I’m writing in tiredness and the feeling to ramble so … here goes:
It’s been a long week so far, Sunday I had my first production meeting with a movie I’m going to be in. It’s a short film and I’m playing the “crying girl” in it. Pretty awesome.
Then Monday – Wednesday the Forerunner Media Institute (FMI) class I’m currently taking had a writing seminar that lasted pretty much all day those three days.
Pure heart this week was good. Still learning things I ought to know by now. But I’ve got a lot to sift through from my childhood and repressed memories… things like that. It’s been really good for me and analytically speaking here’s where I’m at: I’ve viewed circumstances in a sense of failure. I don’t feel like I hear the Lord. I don’t feel safe and protected. And I have a tendency to give un-sanctified mercy to anyone because of my own insecurity. I’m growing and going through some crazy junk. But the Lord is good and I am moving forward and walking with Him.
Today during my prophecy team I jumped in with a group to prophesy over some of the Koreans who are here for a conference. It was really good and I felt like I was hearing things precisely and quickly. Praying for others is easy because I can give 100% with no fear and it ministers to them. That’s not scary, it’s when I pray for my own life in terms of relationships, destiny, ministry etc. that I hesitate and get nervous.
My eyes are lined with questions.
If you’re scared all the time because of circumstantial failure your defense mechanism is to control anything possible and not trust or feel protected by anyone. Especially Someone you don’t feel like you understand or hear correctly. But when you’re listening to on behalf of others it’s really not about you. So it’s easier for me. Much easier.
Anyway the prophecy team went great and I prophesied healing over a woman who has cancer who I didn’t know or know that she had cancer. Lord, heal her body. And heal my heart.
