Abby's blog

VIII. Ode for New Year’s Day

Abby — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 01:37:56 +0000

Woe unto you, ye sons of pain that are this day in earth,

Now cry for all your torment: now curse your hour of birth
And the fathers who begat you to a portion nothing worth.
And Thou, my own beloved, for as brave as ere thou art,
Bow down thine head, Despoina, clasp thy pale arms over it,
Lie low with fast-closed eyelids, clenched teeth, enduring heart,
For sorrow on sorrow is coming wherein all flesh has part.
The sky above is sickening, the clouds of God’s hate cover it,
Body and soul shall suffer beyond all word or thought,
Till the pain and noisy terror that these first years have wrought
Seem but the soft arising and prelude of the storm
That fiercer still and heavier with sharper lightnings fraught
Shall pour red wrath upon us over a world deform.

Thrice happy, O Despoina, were the men who were alive
In the great age and the golden age when still the cycle ran
On upward curve and easily, for them both maid and man
And beast and tree and spirit in the green earth could thrive.
But now one age is ending, and God calls home the stars
And looses the wheel of the ages and sends it spinning back
Amid the death of nations, and points a downward track,
And madness is come over us and great and little wars.
He has not left one valley, one isle of fresh and green
Where old friends could forgather amid the howling wreck.
It’s vainly we are praying. We cannot, cannot check
The Power who slays and puts aside the beauty that has been.

It’s truth they tell, Despoina, none hears the heart’s complaining
For Nature will not pity, nor the red God lend an ear,
Yet I too have been mad in the hour of bitter paining
And lifted up my voice to God, thinking that he could hear
The curse wherewith I cursed Him because the Good was dead.
But lo! I am grown wiser, knowing that our own hearts
Have made a phantom called the Good, while a few years have sped
Over a little planet. And what should the great Lord know of it
Who tosses the dust of chaos and gives the suns their parts?
Hither and thither he moves them; for an hour we see the show of it:
Only a little hour, and the life of the race is done.
And here he builds a nebula, and there he slays a sun
And works his own fierce pleasure. All things he shall fulfill,
And O, my poor Despoina, do you think he ever hears
The wail of hearts he has broken, the sound of human ill?
He cares not for our virtues, our little hopes and fears,
And how could it all go on, love, if he knew of laughter and tears?

Ah, sweet, if a man could cheat him! If you could flee away
Into some other country beyond the rosy West,
To hide in the deep forests and be for ever at rest
From the rankling hate of God and the outworn world’s decay!

-Lewis (Spirit’s in Bondage)

Thanks for the prayers!!

Abby — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 23:45:33 +0000

I truely appreciate the prayers as of late August I’ve been working for a daycare in KCK (Kansas City, Kansas). The daycare hours are perfect and allow me to still be in the prayer room and do the various church activities I’m involved with. My schedule is busy but I really love what I’m doing.

Delight Ahead Child & Family Development Center is where I’m working now. I am scheduled everyday in the infant room which I couldn’t be more happy about!! Those babies hold my heart and I legitimately miss them over the weekends or when we have breaks in the school schedule. Technically I am the lead teacher for the infant room, but for now I’m listed as a substitute until I get all my training hours and other requirements fulfilled. Which leads me to big news!! I’m going back to school!! The daycare is paying for me to get my CDA (Child Development Associates). It’s very exciting!! I’ll be able to do the classes online at home.

Other than that I’m trying to maintain a consistent social life with a bit of dating mixed in. It’s been a fun season so far and I’m excited to see where the Lord’s leading it.

Quick Update

Abby — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:03:16 +0000

Once again I recognize my failure in the blog-o-sphere and apologize for my lack of updates.

There’s really not too much new going on with me. The biggest thing is that I’ve become a member of a local church in Shawnee, Kansas. Joined their choir and have been making lots of friends and having lots of fun!!

Other than that, I’m currently searching for a new job as I am no longer working for the media department for IHOP-KC. I’m still full time staff doing my service hours on Misty Edwards’ team as her screen operator and praying in the prayer room. I’m just looking for a part time job to help pay for some things. Like rent and food and gas. Other than that I’m just living simply.

I’m working out and eating healthy everyday. Been losing some weight doing that, which is nice but unnecessary… I just want to be healthy.

Had a few people stay with me over the summer so far. Really, I’m just excited and ready to start the next phase of my life. (: Hoping I get a really awesome new job!! (: Pray for me!!

On a list of everything I need. There’s air, but first… there’s You and me.

Abby — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 09:43:46 +0000

I keep learning over and over that You’re truly all that matters. I’ll try to stop forgetting.

Let’s you come in.

Abby — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 10:09:47 +0000

I’m writing in tiredness and the feeling to ramble so … here goes:

It’s been a long week so far, Sunday I had my first production meeting with a movie I’m going to be in. It’s a short film and I’m playing the “crying girl” in it. Pretty awesome.

Then Monday – Wednesday the Forerunner Media Institute (FMI) class I’m currently taking had a writing seminar that lasted pretty much all day those three days.

Pure heart this week was good. Still learning things I ought to know by now. But I’ve got a lot to sift through from my childhood and repressed memories… things like that. It’s been really good for me and analytically speaking here’s where I’m at: I’ve viewed circumstances in a sense of failure. I don’t feel like I hear the Lord. I don’t feel safe and protected. And I have a tendency to give un-sanctified mercy to anyone because of my own insecurity. I’m growing and going through some crazy junk. But the Lord is good and I am moving forward and walking with Him.

Today during my prophecy team I jumped in with a group to prophesy over some of the Koreans who are here for a conference. It was really good and I felt like I was hearing things precisely and quickly. Praying for others is easy because I can give 100% with no fear and it ministers to them. That’s not scary, it’s when I pray for my own life in terms of relationships, destiny, ministry etc. that I hesitate and get nervous.

My eyes are lined with questions.

If you’re scared all the time because of circumstantial failure your defense mechanism is to control anything possible and not trust or feel protected by anyone. Especially Someone you don’t feel like you understand or hear correctly. But when you’re listening to on behalf of others it’s really not about you. So it’s easier for me. Much easier.

Anyway the prophecy team went great and I prophesied healing over a woman who has cancer who I didn’t know or know that she had cancer. Lord, heal her body. And heal my heart.

Reflecting on the little things

Abby — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:30:02 +0000

As insignificant as they may be, I’m starting to remember the little things that consistently make me who I am. They may not be major attributes of my life but they’re the things in life that really truly make me happy. For instance, encouraging others. Whether it’s specifically what I’m feeling from the Lord for a person or not, I love blessing friends with encouragement. When I spend a lot of time using sarcasm I sometimes lose sight of this.

Hmph, I don’t even know how to explain this better. I just love to look at people and consider what I can do for them, what encouragement I can give them instead of what they can do for me or give me etc. This is most assuredly not the case 100% of the time. It’s definitely a weak attempt at blessing others and not being selfish. In fact I feel like even saying I do this well 25% of the time is a stretch. But I really do honestly love to do it. Weak as it may be.

Things I love specifically for myself I would say are:

music – listening or playing my own.

writing – whether it be journaling or blogging.

learning – apologetics, discussions with friends, C.S. Lewis reading, sermons, from smart prayer leaders on the monday Marcus sets.

Those things are specifically things that bless me/encourage me even if they’re not direct.

Tonight Nate taught me about direct current vs. alternating current and I think it’s like that. I get currents in my life that are sometimes direct, and sometimes alternating. And even though I like the idea of something coming directly at me. Alternating currents are much safer and cause less fires. That really blessed me. Friends really bless me.

Then Leslie and I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off which is a fantastic movie!! She loved it too and it was fun to share with her.

Alright well I’m off for tonight. Maybe gonna hit my first book of Pilgrim’s Regress before sleeping so keep your eye on the Lewis blog.

P.S. A big THANK YOU shout out to my faithful 9 readers. You guys never miss a beat and I appreciate that!! (:

This is a script I wrote based on Matthew 25:1-13 the parable about the 10 virgins

Abby — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 08:03:42 +0000

The Parable Of The Ten Virgins (Matthew 25_1-13)

It was your heart on the line.

Abby — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 08:01:56 +0000

Let it be known that this was the night I decided to face life boldly and be strong for him. Not trusting, not knowing, not understanding, but determined to forcibly run after what I believe to be right. I’m taking all the courage that I have to face the problems at hand.

Next Tuesday I’m starting pure heart. It’s beautifully terrifying. And I’m using all my motivation and time to read C.S. Lewis books and blog about them here. And twitter about them here.

Also directing some of that attention to a class I am taking called media messengers, so I at least do the homework.

“you are not alone in this”

Santa Claus

Abby — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 17:03:08 +0000

Eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York’sSun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history’s most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.

“DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
“Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
“Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

“VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
“115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.”

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Can’t sleep. Might as well blog.

Abby — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 09:44:31 +0000

Unable to sleep, I blame Chris’ spontaneous run for Shatto chocolate milk. SO much sugar, but sooo delicious!

I’m having a good last week in Kansas City before I head to Michigan this Saturday for Christmas! My best gal pal Leslie is coming along this time to see some great bands play some live music this next week. Plus having maximum time with the family is needed. I want to smell my Christmas tree. I want my cheese and crackers.

I’ve been reading through old journals and old livejournal posts from like 2004 and it makes me really miss livejournal. I loved the days where all my friends had blogs and we wrote posts to each other. Now everything is so – facebook this, facebook that. Twitter me this, twitter thoughts, feelings, emotions etc. Everything is self focused though. I think about how many sentences start with, or could start with, “I think”, ”I know”, “I wonder”.

Well, I think that I am a realist.

And I know that I should write more about my life experiences meeting my God experiences.

And I wonder who’s with me to do the same.

So bless your hearts for bearing with me. I will be journaling more frequently. Especially with all the C.S. Lewis junk I’ll be doing this coming year.

Oh, and I may have gotten a job (like someone to actually pay me money) to study and write for an online apologetics website. That’s pretty fab. Making money is always nice, especially when giving gifts is your love language.

New Narnia tomorrow. You seeing it? I’ve got plans to see it twice opening day. It’s going to be rad!